Greatest Statewide Ban On Styrofoam Possible to Just take Location Where by Else But New Freakin’ Yawk, Little one


Picture: NOEL CELIS (Getty)

Cawfee cups. Disposubuhl coolahs. People very little trays wit da lids the excellent halal cart places ya lamb ova rice in. Whaddathey acquired in prevalent, aside from containin’ some-a life’s most precious foods items fer consumin’ soon after a prolonged day in da Big Apple? 9 situations outta 10, they are freakin’ styrofoam. Andnot fuh nothin, but whose ever usin’ these is killin’ the goddamn earth.

Fortunately, New Yawk, the best—and not that anyone’s askin’ but to me, the only state—went above’n beyon da contact-a obligation. Cuomo, da govnuh we really like ta despise, is proposing we put theki-boshon styrofoam once and for all…by 2022 that is.

We’re talkin’ da afuhmentioned cawfee cups and takeout containuhs, but we’re also talkin packin’ peanuts and otha styrofoam-based elements fuh keepin’ all the crap ya invest in online from displaying up damaged just in time for some yutz to steal off ya stoop. Hold it. Like I needed a Roomba anyway. Whatevah.

Even though the bozos in Washintun sit close to wit their thumbs up their asses, cities states in this large, beaduful region ah ever more puttin’ da squeeze on some of da most significant resources of rubbish (and I’m not talkin’ about Jersey, unfortunately). Credit history the place it is thanks, all those gradual-walkin’, kamboosha-sippin’ hippies out in California was onta anything with their highly profitable solitary-useplastic bag ban. So a great deal so, in truth, that we err, “borrowed” theconcept ourselves. Now individually? I dunno how I experience about a New Yawk with much less litter. This city’s pretty much constructed on rubbish. But if the satisfies up in Awlbany say my child will have a—whachacallit—“ecologically viralableworld” in 30 several years, hey, let us give it go. Gotta let ‘em have sufficient time for a couple divorces like his aged male is what I say.Maarooone.

Loathe as I am to paint dis as just about anything fewer than the ideal state in da entire union, but New Yawk ain’t particularly 1st to da whole styrofoam issue neitha.Maine obtained that differenceagain in May perhaps. And ya know, permit ‘em have it. Maine demands this more than us, individuals.

Then Vuhmonta month afterwardsdetermined, what-a we, a buncha assholes? Gettin’ beat by freakin’Maine?! (Little bit of an, er, authorial notice heah but ya know they connect with a soft serve a “creemee” up there? 4 “e”s and all. God damn savages up there, I explain to ya.) So maybe da total styrofoam ban was not just an Empire Point out idea, but if da ban arrives by way of, it’d be da most significant n greatest, coverin’ somethin liketwenty million schmucksfrom the weirdos up in Buffalo to my asshole cousins in Staten.

You assume we’re messin’ all over? According to a push launch fromKing Govnuh Amazawn Cuomo, “violators will be penalized with a high-quality starting at $250. Next, third and fourth violations will be fined $five hundred, $1,000 and $2,000 respectively.” Two thousand bucks is more than my freakin’ hire!

In summation: New Yawk, even with any arguments or proof to the contrary, is the best put any one could evuh hope ta dwell. You know it. I know it. Fawking A-Rod understands it. And the only items what ain’t welcome in this article is racists, environmental squander, and Connecticut dr